In the last year or so there have been some very brave people who have put themselves into some very vulnerable positions on the internet. One such example is Josh Weed, who, if you don’t know, has made waves in the Mormon blogging community about how he has reconciled homosexuality with Mormon teachings that go counter to his innate attractions. I admire him very much for his willingness to put himself out there and to tell his story. It’s very valuable for his readers to see him, his family, his life, and the honesty behind each post.
For the last few months starting this blog has been very much on my mind, but the one huge question that’s been looming and keeping me from starting was whether I needed to attach my name or not. After careful consideration and discussion with my wife, I have elected not to for a few reasons.
First, I’m simply not ready for that amount of vulnerability. While I’m finally to the point in my life where I feel like I am okay (i.e. not forever damned or guilty) for feeling what I feel regarding my desires to be female, I know from firsthand experience that people who don’t experience gender dysphoria as a rule have difficulty understanding what it means. I’m not publicly ‘out’, and besides being scared about that, I’m not sure that that’s the correct way to deal with what I’m experiencing, either. My understanding of who I am along with my hopes and dreams are important to me. I’m afraid that people won’t understand and retaliate negatively out of that.
Second, I’m worried about the effects it may have on my family. I don’t want this to negatively hurt my wife or children directly or indirectly. My children don’t know and as parents, my wife and I have decided that this information is not something they need to have now.
Third, I think I can accomplish better what I hope to do here without giving my name. There are pros and cons to separating these discussions and this information here from my public identity. One huge benefit is that I can be more honest and that there can be more candor here. I can discuss more intimate topics and go into greater detail here as Capricornus than I could otherwise. The reader can rest assured that I have no intentions of leading anyone astray, and that I’m being honest and frank in my presentation of facts, events, and feelings.
Fourth, gender dysphoria and transgenderism, in spite of being commonly grouped with homosexual issues, are not nearly as socially accepted or well-understood yet. In LGBT discussions, the transgender side of things is often marginalized, neglected, or ignored entirely. This is not to say that I don’t value the inclusion of transgender issues in the broader LGBT spectrum of concern, but that transgender issues are really quite distinct from homosexuality. Both fall under the broad umbrella of dealing with gender, but connections end there since sexual orientation is distinct and independent from gender identification.
So for the time being, and I appreciate your understanding on the matter, please call me Capricornus. I’m a real person and the stories being told here really happened. At some future point I suspect that I will attach my public identity here, but I have no idea when that may be. I hope that what I say under this pseudonym may still be beneficial.