It’s all about misalignment with gender dysphoria, it seems, at least in my case. Not only does my sense of self not align with my body’s gender, but there are many misalignments between my hopes for the eternities that go contrary to what my hopes are ‘supposed’ to be (as a man with one or more wives).
As distressing as that misalignment is, there is an additional misalignment that causes some distress that’s more present – the misalignment between Andromeda’s and my hopes for our future.
In my last post on hope, I mentioned that I do have hope that I can be happy and at peace in the eternities. The only hope I can see is that I will be female and that I can continue my marriage with Andromeda. I hope that my eternal relationship will be of the f + f sort, and that’s not a relationship style that my church looks highly upon or even believes can persist.
It’s tough to feel like the one hope I have with regards to my gender goes against all that’s supposedly ‘true.’ But to complicate the matter there’s the not-so-small factor of my partner’s desires.
Andromeda doesn’t share my hope. In fact, she doesn’t like the prospects of being in any sort of intimate, romantic relationship with a woman at all – for now or the eternities. She wants to be with a man. It’s what she’s always wanted, and even I can see there’s no reason for my wants to trump hers.
It’s a really sticky situation, and not one that I see an easy solution to. It’s very discouraging. It’s tougher than one of us wanting to live by the beach and the other wanting to live in the mountains (a conflict of interest which has probably broken other marriages before) because this is one of identity. I’d live in the Southwestern USA for Andromeda as much as I hate the desert and heat. It’s not that huge of a sacrifice and would be totally worth it.
But to be male eternally for her? I don’t know that I can do that. I’ve wondered on occasion why we’re even trying to make our marriage work or what we’re even working towards.
Fortunately, reasons to stay married to her are easy to come by – I love her. I love her enough to go through mortality being willing to give up some things that are very important to me. She loves me, too, and has had to make no small sacrifice either for our relationship.
But when we start thinking beyond this life, things can get bleak very quickly. Will I have to be male forever? Will Andromeda have to give up her desires to be with a man for me? When we want to be together but she wants to be with a man and I want to be a woman, what hope is there for us?
I wish I had more answers. I have no idea how things will work out for us, or if it’s even possible. I do know, though, that it is good for me to be selfless and true to the promises I made with her. It’s good for me to be patient and faithful. It’s good for me to keep trying to be like Christ in all I do.
Hopefully that’s enough for things to work out wonderfully for both of us.